Bereavement refers to the loss of a loved one while grief is our reaction to that loss. Grief is intense anguish or acute sorrow which can be so painful that the grieving person often looks for ways to escape from it rather than experience it as a process. However, it is said that we are most healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.
The best way to journey through the grieving process and emerge victoriously is to do it with the guidance, encouragement and friendship of others best suited to give such support.
Here are some tips to help a person who is grief stricken because he or she has just lost someone dear to him/her:
1. Give yourself space: When the funeral activities are over, give yourself time and space to relax and reflect.
2. Accept assistance: Focus on what is necessary to keep you and your family going in “survival mode”. Accept any practical help that is offered from friends. This will help you regain or preserve your basic sense of purpose in life. Do not be afraid to verbalise your needs.
3. Take one day at a time: Do not attempt to see what you will be one year from now. Anticipate that this will be a difficult time in your life.
4. Be patient: Changes in your emotions are inevitable. Do not be upset with your own feelings or the unusual behaviour of your children.
5. Lift yourself up: If your mind plays back the scene of the loss over and over again, try some distractions like singing a spiritual song or speaking to someone who is more likely to lift you up rather than pull you down.
6. Stay healthy: Grief substantially reduces one’s immunity. Grieving also saps up a lot of your energy. Rest when you feel weak.
7. Talk to someone: Get in touch with those who are willing to connect with you to listen and advise; it is important to tell someone about what you are going through. Listening to other widow/widower stories will also help reassure you that you are not alone.
8. Re-establish regular relationships: Letting relationships slide or not going back to your routine will make it more difficult to return to your friends.
9. Stay active: Do not allow fear to paralyse you from returning to some of your normal activities.
10. Eat well-balanced meals: Avoid alcohol or other means of escapism to drown your grief. Flee from temptations that entice you into unhealthy means to cope with your sorrow.
11. Don’t make major decisions: In the initial stages of the grieving process, do not make major decisions that will affect the rest of your life. Let enough time pass so you can see things more clearly before you decide.
12. Keep a journal: Writing down your thoughts in a journal will help soothe a troubled soul. If you have a religion, stay close to God and do not stop talking to Him about everything you are going through.
Growth and strength come from weathering the storms of life. Be strong even if you are full of grief and sorrow, and find solace in friends and family who will readily stand by you when challenges arise.
Text edited from GGP Outreach, which seeks to provide a supportive role in journeying alongside grieving persons, and at the same time, facilitate involvement and care for grieving persons by others.